Discover more from Project: Shadow
Why I stopped blogging (a paradox)
Okay, yeah, I know that is a strange title for a blog post, but it is what I want to blog about. Time to wrestle with some demons.
Okay, yeah, I know that is a strange title for a blog post, but it is what I want to blog about. I thought about making this an episode of my podcast, Project: Shadow, but I was afraid it would come across as self serving and serious. So, here we go-
I am a writer.
I don’t like writing. I don’t love writing. I am a writer. My earliest memories involve not just play, but drawing comics and short stories. I started journaling when I was really young. Writing is how I process information. When I want to learn something, I write and rewrite the information until it sticks in my head.
18… wow… 18 years ago, when I posted my journals online, I had never heard the word blog. It was just a way for me to share the various thoughts I had with anyone interested in them.
After I installed Wordpress, everything changed. People commented on what I wrote, and a small community developed. It was fun. We talked about everything, and it was a lot of fun. Between the blogging and podcasting, I thought I found an outlet for weird way my mind works, and a community who wanted to discuss those and many other things.
And then money happened…
See, this is why I was so hesitant to talk about this.
Occasionally, I would like to a product on Amazon or iTunes, and people would buy them, and I would make money. I joined a podcasting network and got sponsors, then I put ads on the blog. I wasn’t make heaps of gold, but I was making money. This was the beginning of the end.
I focused on content I knew would get clicks and make revenue… I lost the ability to use the tool that had always been about working through a thought or an issue, and trolled through metadata for topics to write about.
Eventually, I lost the ability to do anything else. It was boring, time consuming, and stressful.
Right now, I still wonder whether anyone will ever read this or care about what I have to say. <sigh> It’s frustrating.
Everything falls apart
I will not go into detail about everything that happened because I have written and talked about it before. Short version: the network broke up, we bought a restaurant and my husband left the podcast to focus on that, I fell into the deepest depression I have ever experienced and it lasted for years.
After a lot of healing, I wrote fiction again, and even restarted the podcast, but still I couldn’t blog. All of crap and hangups I developed over that time have been hard to shake.
So why am I writing this?
Obviously, I want to blog again. Not in the way that broke me, but in the fun way I used to find helpful whether or not anyone ever read it. You are reading me talking to you so I can talk myself into trying it again.
X number of reasons to start blogging now in 2018
I don’t really care what other people think about me or my work anymore.
I have selfishly decided to write things I am interested in and to entertain myself. (Entertaining others is welcome bonus).
There is a lot of things weighing on my mind, and I need an outlet to expose them to the disinfecting light of day.
Many of the topics boiling in me aren’t structured enough for the extemporaneous podcast recording style I rather enjoy doing now, and writing them out will allow their emergent structure to become more clear.
Maybe someone else is thinking about this stuff too, and my ramblings might help me.
That’s about it. I want to blog again, and so I am going to and I wanted to give you, dear reader, a warning about the type of posts I will be doing.
Don’t be fooled for a minute into thinking I will be writing nothing but navel gazing think pieces. There is a lot of aspects of my fandoms and interests I want to delve into.
I’m blogging again, and I invite you to submit your posts too. Let’s have fun with this.