Have I forgotten how to write?

When your writing voice is just screaming.

Ever had that feeling you forgot how to write? I don't mean to put one word after another, but to tell a story that you want to tell. Not a story you want to sell, but tell. We may have forgotten the difference between those words.

I started thinking about this when I realized I don't know how to sketch anymore. I haven't forgotten how to make art or images, but I have done graphic design for so long that when I tried to sketch the other day, I couldn't figure out where to start. How did I use to draw without a commission?

I am having the same problem writing. I set up a new world on @worldanvil.com for me to just write stories for me, and then my mind went blank. I know the kind of stories I want to write, but the words are frozen. They will not come out.

Is it fear? I don't think so. I really don't care what people think about my fiction. It isn't fear. It is paralysis.

Writing connects me to my deepest self, and I am not ready or willing to feel the pain and loss haunting the halls of my mind. I've been told so much over my lifetime how useless I am as a person, and writing or drawing for myself feels like admitting the futility of my existence. It shouldn't, but it does.

I don't think I am alone in equating happiness with selfishness, but we need to kill off that shit. We have to crawl out of our shells and find out loud and proud voices. Unfortunately, for now, my voice just sounds like screaming.