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My Readers Know Me
What is it with writers and their families:
Author J.K. Rowling said in an interview published Tuesday that her mother's death while she was writing the Harry Potter books led her to make her hero suffer the death of his own parents (Chicago Tribune).
Our books and characters tend to feel our pain as a way to relieve or maybe even share our pain with another. I have lived in constant fear of loosing my parents since they have never been in the best health. When you add that to the years of pain and isolation that followed my coming out, it is no wonder I usually write about orphans.
I think one of my family members took it hardest, she refused to be part of my life, and so I cut her out... If she was going to complain about me behind my back, I was not going to share with her any more. “Could you not be so gay around my house.” Venomous words. Now she wonders why she doesn't know me. So I write about characters who will never make their families happy. The pain of never being good enough in their eyes. They are proud, but you could be better. Or you are not what or where they want you to be. My readers know me, and they know that contents of my life are between me and God... no one else.
It is useless to try to make other people happy. It is suicidal to make yourself miserable so others can be happy. I know. I have been there. I hated my self so much I cut deep, hoping to end the pain. I did everything I could to end the pain. Only one thing worked: I stopped caring what other people thought about me. With Brian, I set out to find away that we could be happy, and I would be free from the painful wishes and words that had been heaped on me. I got through. I like myself now! I have some hope for the future! But I will not shut up and wilt like the creep I used to be.
All of my triumphs and pains have been shared with you all, through my blog, my poems, music, short stories, and my novels (I have another written remember last year). We are here to share with each other and I hope I do right by you all, and I hope you get my sense of humor. It is a little coarse and direct, but if you like Margaret Cho, Dave Chappelle, or South Park, while I am not as funny as they are, but a similar type of humor.
Politics aside, I will never ridicule or insult you. I will never use such a vile and hateful tactic as guilt on you. I hope that in time, we can become friends, and share this life together.
Sorry, to get sappy, but I have ran into several of my readers lately, and I don't have the words to express how kind and wonderful you all are. It really woke me up to what a great group of people you all are. I hope I can live up to the nice things you have said to me.