Silence = Nonexistence (Spiritual Version)

by C.E. Dorsett

Religion, to link back, a beautiful word, a wondrous idea. Unfortunately, some people take it way too seriously. If you haven't noticed, there are no spiritual dissidents, only believers and heretics. Where does that leave someone like me? I believe, and I love my faith, but I am a dissident.

Would it surprise you if I told you I used to want to be a preacher or a priest? I guess if you read the site regularly, or no me personally, that's not a shock. Do you know why I am not? I was told by my pastor at the time that I asked too many questions to ever be a good Christian. Well maybe that is true... but who's to say he knew. After my experiences with that 'pastor' I became very disillusioned with my faith. For a long time I lost it all together.

I became angry at a god I could no longer believe in. Cold pain filled my heart, and I am still recovering. Ever since I was a child I wanted to be a preacher... but that could never happen for me. My dreams lost, I began to drift aimlessly through life. My faith was crushed because a few self-appointed men thought they could divine the will of a god who hate people like me... people who asked questions, people who didn't believe blindly, people who where gay...

People ask me all the time what happened to me. “You were such a mild, happy child. You always had a smile on your face, and were so slow to anger.” Well that was before I had my dreams pissed on, wasn't it. (sigh) So I am a little bitter, but I am trying to get over it.

I completely lost my faith until I read the works of Matthew Fox, Marcus J Borg, Robert Funk, and John Shebly Spong. Spong's two books Why Christianity Must Change or Die: A Bishop Speaks to Believers In Exile and A New Christianity for a New World : Why Traditional Faith is Dying & How a New Faith is Being Born , merged with Fox's Prayer: A Radical Response to Life, Original Blessing, and Creation Spirituality, to bring my faith back from the dead. They showed me that I could still believe... I could be a dissident Christian!

So here I am, sharing my faith with the world. I might never be a priest or a pastor, but I am here! I only hope and pray that others disillusioned and lost might find my site, so they know they are not alone. Whether you agree with me or not, here I stand before my God, exploring my faith a little more each day.

I have to speak out! They lied to me, kicked me to the ground, and left me for dead, but I am still here! A good Samaritan took time to help me to my feet, and I will not be knocked down again. When they took my faith, they tried to take away my vocation, my very identity. In defiance of their contempt, here I stand! The voice of one crying in the wilderness, “Repent, for the Imperial Reign of God Draws nigh!”